Bill

I dont know how or why I was compelled to share this amusing little story today, but I figured I'd just go with it.

I had a friend and former co-worker named Mike, who used to live in what's called a "transitional" neighborhood. This means that poor angry people live there and now are being displaced by rich people who are replacing crack houses with coffeeshops.

Mike was a free spirit who did things at times that most people would only ever have a passing thought about, if that. Take for example Mike putting woodgrained contact paper on the lower half of his brand new Audi TT (because he thought the woody look would be hilarious), hanging out with a charming young girl that happened to have a cleft palette (because he thought it was amusing to hear her speak) or emptying the entirety of the refrigerator at his rented flat and puncturing a hole into its side to pass a hose through in order to dispense beer from the keg that took up the entire volume of the interior. He also seemed to happen upon funny, random occurences that he'd share.

One in particular that still makes me laugh went like this...

Mike was leaving his flat to walk to work one autumn morning, closed the gate behind him and began his short jaunt to our office. He wasn't but say 300 meters from home, when he noticed two kids across the street walking their dog (a largish pitbull that was more walking the kids then the contrary). The dog was getting the better of the brother and sister and was obviously hungry too which didn't help matters. The dog pulled and pulled and finally slipped from the grasp of the kids, got away and ran around the corner into a schoolyard, at which point the kids began chasing him. The young boy caught up to the hungry dog moments later and almost in horror yells to his sister "eeeeewwwww, Bill be eatin' leafiz!!!"

I'm laughing even now 6 years later just writing this! Where do I begin as to why?

One, I love the Snoop Doggism of pluralizing "leaves" to "leafiz". I also love that they're dismayed at the fact that the dog is eating the leafiz, as opposed to a dead cat or a stray chicken bone. But I think my favorite thing is that they named their dog Bill. Not Rover, or Buster or Buddy. But, Bill. Probably the most common man's name...for a dog.