Ions...

Our best friends recently left for a weeklong trip to Paris. I travel quite a bit and always enjoy reminiscing on all the adventures I've been on. I also am quite fond of the bizarre things that sometimes...well, oftentimes happen. Again, not sure of my readership, but everything I write about seems to just spark something else.

I was returning from Korea some years back and had a stopover in Los Angeles where I had to deplane and go through US customs. This was fairly easy on the return route as I was not carrying several hollowed out electronic prototypes which looked quite suspect to most of the security staff.

For some reason, when going through security in the US, all passengers are required to remove all laptop computers from their bags prior to placing their belongings on the conveyor through the x-ray machines. I would think that an x-ray machine would be able to see my laptop through any of my luggage, but apparently not.

Sometimes during the laptop removal, it becomes necessary to undergo a second, more thorough test, to really ensure that it is indeed a laptop you're carrying and not some sort of concealed explosive device or elaborate drug carrier. Los Angeles requires use of these devices I found out upon arrival.

Once through the standard security check a select laptop toting group was ushered to a second line, aiming us all towards a large white machine which was manned by an equally large black man holding a long set of tweezer looking things. I never really concerned myself with what this was for or why I had to undergo this. After 23hours of travel, you dont really think much at all.

Finally, when I became second in line from the machine, the gentleman directly in front of me who was about to have his pc examined, decided to ask what this test is actually for. In broken english, he asked the security guy:

"what zis machine do?"

Security guy (I can see now he's named Jamal), while begininning to molest the man's laptop with a cotton swab at the end of a long metal wand answers:

"this thing test for ions".

Seeing obvious puzzlement on the foreign man's face Jamal continued:

"...you know what ions is? Ions the shits in bombs."

The man sort of shrugged in acknowledment, took his approved laptop and went to his connecting flight. As he was walking away and I now became first in line, Jamal looked at the foreign guy, then looked at me and added:

"...man, that dude stunk!"

He was French.